Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
