that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
