He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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