He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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