nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
