Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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