I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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