why didn't you poke me back
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
