His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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