My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ketchup is God's man juice
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
