Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
