And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
