I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
