I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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