so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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