I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
