The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
