Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
