Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
