That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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