OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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