i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize