I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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