Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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