Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
