I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
