it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
