Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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