They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I want is dick and wine.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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