I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
