Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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