i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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