Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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