Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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