i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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