Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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