i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
