I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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