I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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