quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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