I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
