You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
