needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
