It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
