I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He has the fingertips of a God
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