It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
