the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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