you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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