That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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