Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
