you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
