I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
