I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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