Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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