Don't you send me to vm
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
