I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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