please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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