I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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