Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
