ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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