ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
